The past months of ’lockdown’ due to the covid-19 pandemic, have, of course, been extremely challenging, frustrating, annoying, even deeply tragic for some people (and, in many cases continues to be so!). I am very humbled that, for me, (to date) it has been a different story.
It has definitely been tough and extremely difficult, for sure – but I have not had to deal with the intense, exhausting and debilitating struggles, that many others have had to experience!
I have close friends and family who have been (and, as I write this, continue to be) chronically and critically ill, affected by coronavirus and multiple related ramifications.
For me, however, it has been different… for me, this ‘lockdown’ time has been a time of rich, even prolific creativity; I have written, devised, mentored and created so much, during this surreal and unprecedented time.
I always write and/or create, in relation to the ‘human condition’ – if I am touched, at all, by experiences, events, situations around me, whether that be close-at-home, or globally, on the-other-side-of-the-world…If I’m touched in any way by ‘life’ (or ‘death’), I write… – that small volcano of creativity begins to ‘rumble’- and…I have to create!
So, it is, of no surprise that the past few months have been an explosive time of rich and almost relentless creativity! – not that I have necessarily written/created directly relating to covid-19 -in fact, I’ve barely mentioned the subject; nonetheless, – the ‘flow’ for me, has been continuous…
However, I am keenly aware that for others, this has not been their story; instead, it’s been (and perhaps continues to be), a turbulent time of torment, as, the volcano of creativity, inspiration and potentials passionately ‘rumbles’, but… despite the rumbling and apparent imminent eruption of creative release and expression… the page, (both literally and metaphorically) – remains blank!…
The longer this continues, the more the frustration, resentment at the world, or self-reproach, and lack of confidence increases, until it deteriorates into a vicious cycle of insecurity and unbelief that paralyses potential, ’cripples creativity and extinguishes excitement and expression –
And, all the while, – still… the page remains… – blank! _
With unintentional irony, I humbly offer and dedicate this poem/prose piece to anyone struggling in any way with a creative, writing, learning, confidence, faith, or any other ‘block’ at this time – anyone who is struggling with the daunting, debilitating and overwhelming apparent reality of the blank page!…
“As thoughts like a javelin
Puncture the membrane of conscious mind
And emotional gymnastics are played out-
In the restricted arena of human heart;
Aerial acrobatics and somersaults-
Thunder against the crash-mat of embryonic creativity
All vying for attention-
Desperately hoping to be acknowledged and released
A rainbow of rationale –vibrant and clear
Spanning the sky from end to end
‘Both a warning and a promise-
Where cautious intellect and radical expression meet
A recollection of how the river used to flow with ease
– A stream of consciousness –a waterfall of rich creative expression
Cascading over the jagged rocks of would-be-limitation
Smoothing their edges as the current moves on relentlessly
In pursuit of deeper waters and bigger seas
Today, like yesterday-
The day before… and the day before that-
The page remains blank__
Consolation offers herself as a perverse reward-
Suggesting that ‘although the creative block in mind and heart is the enemy
At least s/he is ‘familiar’
Resignation turns into surrender; Compromise into comfort
Self-pity gives way to an unwelcome par de doux –
Between fear and the need for perfection (yes, s/he is indeed familiar)
– a pathetic half-hearted stab at regaining authentic artistic expression…
…Still the page remains blank__
Who muddied the waters?
Who stopped believing in the reflection of the sun?
Who built the dam?”