‘Behind the Curtains’

[Poem/Audio mix: >>> HERE]

This is an obvious ‘nod’ toward life, circumstances and emotional well-being during this protracted ‘lock-down’ season.  These are real-life, real-time observations, experiences and discussions that I have had with neighbours, family, friends, as well as random strangers…

I recently moved home; – at the place where I had previously lived, at least one of my neighbours permanently had his curtains tightly drawn shut; hidden away from the World; every minute of every day! – When I arrived at my wonderful new home; I soon noticed that one of my ‘new neighbours’ (currently) lives in exactly the same way – behind the curtains!

We live, or ‘exist’ within our various so-called “bubbles” and, of course, we’re not just physically isolated, but mentally, emotionally and spiritually isolated too.  And when does that ‘isolation’ become an ‘insulation’ apparently protecting us from danger…the virus, and its potential ramifications?

Isolating and insulating ourselves so thoroughly within our own little ‘bubbles’ that we can’t hear, see, or even be aware of, the desperate disintegration of lives happening all around us… In our towns and cities, in our streets, our neighbour’s houses – even, perhaps within our own homes!

However; we can still ‘connect’; even if it is currently only ‘virtual’ and perhaps heavily contrived; – we can still check on each other, ‘make sure that family, friends, neighbours and strangers are genuinely ok…behind the curtains!

I am certainly not advocating prying, voyeurism or interference – we need to be sensitive to the valid fact that we all need our privacy, space and ‘me-time’ but we equally need to be aware of alienating ourselves and others, – (with potentially devastating consequences) as we ourselves, remain “bubbled!”  

‘Love’ is not ‘locked-down’ – We can still care, ‘still hope, ‘still pray; – We can still love.  

“…And then, these three remain: Faith, Hope and Love; and the greatest of these is Love!”.  – [1 Corinthians 13:13].

‘Love’ calls us, sometimes, particularly in desperate and difficult times, to metaphorically, virtually and (hopefully soon, – physically), to be willing, to actively, choose to lovingly, respectfully, yet boldly, look… ‘Behind the Curtains’…

…………………………………………

Behind the Curtains [Poem/Audio Mix >> Here]

Behind the curtains; behind closed doors,

There’s an aching and a breaking, – but what is the cause?

For some, it’s too much time – to consider – to think…

Others just swallow their sorrow…in drink

………….

Behind the curtains – hidden away

‘Life’ has become a ‘circus’ – an ‘unscripted play’

There’s the clown with his slapstick, – false laughter and jeers

There’s the rich tragi-beauty – invariably ending in tears

There’s improvisation – when something’s gone wrong

But it’s tedious and tiresome – when it goes on too long

………….

Behind the curtain – beyond prying eyes

Lies a whole different world – in pretence and disguise

Guilt and addiction – a newly-born guile

Fear-fuelled insomnia – a relentless denial

An enforced exile – both (an) enemy and friend

Solitude and loneliness – when will it end?

……………

Behind the curtains – inside, looking out

Trying to grasp, – what this ‘life’ is all about

Profound hopes and dreams – barely breathing… or dead!

No escape from the voices – and screams inside your head

In-front-of the curtains – there’s little to show

Little that obvious; – but so much to know…

Behind the curtains…  

…………………………………….

[Spoken Poetry/Audio Mix –> Here]

© Danny Scott: January/February 2021

‘Only when it’s Time’

‘Only When it’s Time’

“There’s a time for everything…” I’m sure that you have heard this many times and under many guises; and, in some ways, it’s another one of those “glass half-empty or half-full” statements.   

Of course, the original statement, or quote famously comes from the bible reference at the beginning of Ecclesiastes chapter 3. – “…to everything, there is a season…”; this, like the previous verse/quote is often thrown around glibly today as some kind of ‘get-out-of-jail-card’ or ‘side-stepping-disclaimer’ when we’re stuck in life or just don’t know what’s happening around us.

Well-meaning as it might be; it doesn’t necessarily help us in that particular moment! – However; it is still very true!   

It’s also something that can bring context, even a sense of peace and calm and assurance, amid the storms and chaos of our lives – if we let it!

As I write this, I am in my home, completely surrounded by boxes, bags and various taped-up furniture and home objects; because I’m packing to move home – again… – It’s time!

The first rumblings, indicating that the time was coming for me to move on, probably occurred a little over a year ago, in the interim it’s been a crazy season (for us all!).  A lot has happened and I’ve ‘achieved’, experienced and created a lot during the 5-years or so that I have been ‘here’ – but I would have like to have done so much more (ever the maximiser!) and now, it seems…I’ve run out of time.

Currently (as I write this) whilst I know that I’m leaving this home; I don’t have a new home to move into yet! – it’s all taking so much time to get sorted! 

Having said that; I leave here, encouraged, highly inspired and extremely excited because I know that I’m entering a brand-new season, – like never before!  But there’s still so much to be done…a lot of ‘doing’ a lot of ‘waiting’ (and…’waiting!’); – again, it all seems to take so much time

And yet, instead of despising, or trying to plough-through, fast-forward, brush-aside; we should embrace and celebrate the time as a gift and a much-needed equipping for that new season!

Be encouraged. ‘Something is ‘rumbling’ in you and it will emerge! – maybe in a small, calm, trickling brook, or soft rain – or maybe as an explosive volcano, either way, it will happen – BUT… ‘Only when it’s time’.

……………………………………………………………………

– [Full poem text/audio below]: > *

………………………

‘ONLY WHEN IT’S TIME’

I’ll pick the fruit of patient past

and allow its life-blood juice, to stain my heart forever,

walk in the field of gently swaying nostalgia

brushing my legs with memories that will not let me go;

…………………………..

I’ll unlock the vault of secret hopes denied

and expose them to a bruising indifferent world,

sit at the table of polite conversation

with those who would scheme and plan my certain ruin;

……………………………

cause my knees to bleed –

kneeling in humble admittance of my wrong,

which has jarred and fractured the spine of confident security,

weep with those for whom grief has overwhelmed_

in a blanket-like, volcanic lava’d tomb;

…………………………….

I’ll embrace the dawn

and forgive the night of unjust pre-pubescent spite

I’ll think of your Name, whisper your Name, shout your Name!

I’ll rise up out of the cesspit of my self-pity

and claim the Promise of a renewed, fragrant identity

and surrender the worn, tired, jaded representations

of a former self.

…………………………….

I’ll join in celebration – as the time has come

for the cup of suffering to finally pass me by;

I will remove the “do not resuscitate” order

placed on the door of my dreams

and with a healthy disdain for the rules – choose life!

…………………………….

I’ll dissolve my quiet, unyielding anger,

give You Your answer,

trust You with my thoughts

trust You with my heart …. again.

I’ll take a breath … deeply inhale your judgment

and my vindication,

I’ll do all this, that I have said –

but – only when it’s time.

         …………………………….

(C) DANNY SCOTT / danny@core-arts.uk

Who built the Dam?…

Who built the Dam…?

The past months of ’lockdown’ due to the covid-19 pandemic, have, of course, been extremely challenging, frustrating, annoying, even deeply tragic for some people (and, in many cases continues to be so!).  I am very humbled that, for me, (to date) it has been a different story.

It has definitely been tough and extremely difficult, for sure – but I have not had to deal with the intense, exhausting and debilitating struggles, that many others have had to experience!

I have close friends and family who have been (and, as I write this, continue to be) chronically and critically ill, affected by coronavirus and multiple related ramifications.

For me, however, it has been different… for me, this ‘lockdown’ time has been a time of rich, even prolific creativity; I have written, devised, mentored and created so much, during this surreal and unprecedented time.

…..

I always write and/or create, in relation to the ‘human condition’ – if I am touched, at all, by experiences, events, situations around me, whether that be close-at-home, or globally, on the-other-side-of-the-world…If I’m touched in any way by ‘life’ (or ‘death’), I write… – that small volcano of creativity begins to ‘rumble’- and…I have to create!

So, it is, of no surprise that the past few months have been an explosive time of rich and almost relentless creativity! – not that I have necessarily written/created directly relating to covid-19 -in fact, I’ve barely mentioned the subject; nonetheless, – the ‘flow’ for me, has been continuous…

…..

However, I am keenly aware that for others, this has not been their story; instead, it’s been (and perhaps continues to be), a turbulent time of torment, as, the volcano of creativity, inspiration and potentials passionately ‘rumbles’, but… despite the rumbling and apparent imminent eruption of creative release and expression… the page, (both literally and metaphorically) – remains blank!…

The longer this continues, the more the frustration, resentment at the world, or self-reproach, and lack of confidence increases, until it deteriorates into a vicious cycle of insecurity and unbelief that paralyses potential, ’cripples creativity and extinguishes excitement and expression – 

And, all the while, – still… the page remains… – blank! _

With unintentional irony, I humbly offer and dedicate this poem/prose piece to anyone struggling in any way with a creative, writing, learning, confidence, faith, or any other ‘block’ at this time – anyone who is struggling with the daunting, debilitating and overwhelming apparent reality of the blank page!…

…….

Who Built the Dam?    – [multi-media – link].

 As thoughts like a javelin

Puncture the membrane of conscious mind

            And emotional gymnastics are played out-

            In the restricted arena of human heart;

Aerial acrobatics and somersaults-

Thunder against the crash-mat of embryonic creativity

All vying for attention-

Desperately hoping to be acknowledged and released

 

                   A rainbow of rationale –vibrant and clear

                   Spanning the sky from end to end

                   ‘Both a warning and a promise-

                   Where cautious intellect and radical expression meet

 

A recollection of how the river used to flow with ease

– A stream of consciousness –a waterfall of rich creative expression

Cascading over the jagged rocks of would-be-limitation

Smoothing their edges as the current moves on relentlessly

In pursuit of deeper waters and bigger seas

 

Today, like yesterday-

The day before… and the day before that-

The page remains blank__

      Consolation offers herself as a perverse reward-

      Suggesting that ‘although the creative block in mind and heart is the enemy

      At least s/he is ‘familiar’

Resignation turns into surrender; Compromise into comfort

Self-pity gives way to an unwelcome par de doux –

Between fear and the need for perfection (yes, s/he is indeed familiar)

– a pathetic half-hearted stab at regaining authentic artistic expression…

…Still the page remains blank__

 

Who muddied the waters?

Who stopped believing in the reflection of the sun?

Who built the dam?”

____________________

© Danny Scott 

“I (really) don’t know where to start…”

I wrote this for a special friend and relative; someone I grew up and shared some wonderful life-moments with as a young kid; someone that I only recently properly reconnected with after more than 20 years!

‘Time’ simply slipped by, weeks became months, months became years – years became decades!…

I’ve always looked back on our time together with joy, affection and fondness, and I couldn’t really understand why, or how, we’d drifted apart?… but we did…

So, I made the simple decision to reconnect – and we’re both so glad that I did!

How about you? – Is there someone ‘out there’ who you want/need to reconnect with- perhaps?

…………………………………..


“I (really) don’t know where to start…”

I don’t really know where to start…

– and ‘certainly don’t know what to say…

So many years have come and gone – ‘moments just slipped away…

-(The) memories survive untroubled, full of beauty, love and care –

‘Playful-joy and tender-depth – contentment in the air

The memories and mystery play out their own duet- In tune and precious harmony, that I’ll never forget,

The melody; p’raps more obscure – meanders through the rhyme-

Fading in and out, and (even) almost lost…in time…

-But she always reappears- smiling!… on ‘horizons-distant-face’ –

-Then softly floats through chords and notes into my heart –

‘her resting place…

-It’s like we had some hidden-code – that only we both knew…

-things around might fracture – but our friendship simply grew…

– Effortless and innocent -affectionate and fun-

‘Natural understanding -a precious journey had begun;

Summer holidays abound, ‘creativity’ took flight-

Writing songs and poems – ‘singing late into the night…

-Then the shadows fall – the season’s gone… (and) I quietly reminisce…

Through the shifting haze of those ‘care-free-days’… I see it’s ‘you’…I miss-

The tune- never stopped playing…

– The melody… ’more clear…

– (it’s) just swamped in ‘life’s percussion’ – so it’s harder now to hear…

I began by saying that… “I really don’t know where to start…”

I’ll end with this: – “You have a special place within my heart…”(‘Always…’).

………………………………………..

(C) Danny Scott: 21/03/2020.

multi-media/audio link: Click > HERE

http://www.danscage.wordpress.com / http://www.core-arts.uk / http://www.pointzerophysicaltheatre.co.uk / http://www.patrust.uk

“Yeah And?…”

“Yeah And?…” Multi-media link -> Click HERE

I’m writing this blog entry at a time when the UK is in the early phases of the COVID-19 pandemic; So, as I write this, I, like most of us am in ‘Isolation’.   It’s interesting just what the word “isolation” means or implies at a time such as this?   Dictionary definition/s for the word ‘Isolation’ read: “…the complete separation from others of a person suffering from infectious disease; – quarantine”, or “…a person, thing, or group that is set apart or isolated, as for purposes or “…the state of being alone or away from others”.

‘Self-Isolation’ perhaps, has a slightly different edge to it, however, the main aspects and definitions remain pretty-much the same.

The world seems to have suddenly been turned completely upside-down and shaken to its very core!  It’s interesting to see and experience what comes out from such a ‘shaking’ as this’ – Where our securities really lie? – how confident we really are? –  how strong our faith really is? – how giving or selfish we really are?… how much love and hope we really possess?…

This blog entry is not about COVID-19 and it’s not just another rant or jokey column about coronavirus which is far from a joke and has already resulted in so much loss and grief; No –  However; I am interested in experiencing the paradoxical use of the word – “isolation”.

So, effectively, we can’t meet up, hang-out together, get up-close-and-personal, due to the implemented ‘social-distancing’ (I’ll maybe say a little about that particular terminology, definition and interpretation in my next / or another blog!).

We’re isolated… some of us from our neighbours, some from colleagues, some from friends…families…some from all of these(!) – As a nation (or world) we’re in ‘isolation’ – and yet… In many ways, we’re more connected with each other now, amid this time of adversity, than we perhaps have been for quite some time! – ironic; – huh?!

Things don’t always go as planned (I think most of us know this only too well by now!). 

So, what do we do when the privileges, opportunities, provisions, comforts, disappear?… When there’s all that extra time to think…and remember?…  What do we do when it all goes wrong?… When we’re left all alone?…  

Right now, to be ‘isolated’ is deemed the safest place for us to be – ‘more irony perhaps?

I wrote this piece several years ago, at a time when I was kind of in my own exile.  ‘Exile’ or (self)- ‘isolation’ provides us with such rich creative opportunities! – Can we see these precious opportunities?… or are we too overwhelmed with inward-looking negativity and frustration?

– ‘Stuff’ happens…”Yeah And?…”

…………………………………

Yeah And?…

So, he said he’d call; and after all-

If you juggle for so long, you’re gonna drop the ball

And you’ve wasted all your time

Just waiting for that phone to ring

So, the sun don’t shine; and the day’s full of rain

The car won’t start – and the fridge is broke again

You’ve lost your keys – (And) got no credit for your mobile phone

So, you’ve been let down; you had a meeting in town

You waited for three-hours, but no-one came around

You’ve overdosed on caffeine

And you’ve just missed the last bus home

So, the email wasn’t sent; and you can’t pay the rent

And the window won’t shut – coz the frame is bent

You’ve got a blister on your foot – And today just didn’t go as planned

So, you’re angry and confused and don’t know what to do.  – Yeah And?

~~~

This is not a game that we wanna play

And in an ideal World it wouldn’t be this way

We search for knowledge, but we still don’t understand

You’re tired and frustrated and can’t hold it all together – Yeah And?… 

So, you’ve passed your test, and they said you were the best

But you just found out – you’re no better than the rest

You studied for so long-

But you still can’t find a job

Your friends are moving on, – (and) you don’t feel that you belong

It started off so well, you don’t know how it all went wrong

 The security you knew – Just slips through your fingers like sand

So, you’ve gotta-let-it-go-and-start-all-over-again – Yeah And?…

~~~

So, you’ve had few breaks: and your body aches

(and) you’re still living with the consequence of past mistakes

And people all around you fell apart-

When they said they’d stand

So, you’re left all alone, just-you-and-God – Yeah?…

Multi-media (audio/film) link

(c) Danny Scott:

http://www.core-arts.uk / http://www.patrust.uk / http://www.pointzerophysicaltheatre.co.uk

__________________

‘Sovereign Hope’

 

It’s been quite a while since I last ‘officially’ wrote in this blog (over three years to be a little more precise);  However; – that certainly doesn’t mean that I’ve not been writing…far from it! (but I’ll come back to that later!) …

As artistic director of my professional performing-arts company/ensemble ‘PointZero Physical Theatre’, I am very familiar with the 3-year cycle and its profound significance (even if, perhaps, a little unintended on this occasion, re my ‘blog’).

…..

The name “Point-Zero” is based on an oriental business philosophy-concept; whereby, every three years the successful ‘company’ hold a highly specialist. top-level meeting to actively review the status, philosophy, health, and vision of the company.  – This begins with a disciplined and conscious decision to metaphorically imagine (‘pretend’) that there are NO current company strategies, policies, revenue, partners, reputation, USP’s, structure, etc. – there is only the ‘original’ company “vision” to work with! – EVERYTHING else is taken away – and metaphorically…disappears! 

Everything is boiled down to a brand-new start, a brand-new beginning, a brand-new departure point. > “Point-Zero!”   In one way it’s quite scary, in another way it’s very exciting! – either way; it’s often extremely important if any of us are to genuinely move forward as opposed to (consciously or unconsciously) just stagnate in our own little pond of ‘perceived’-development and ‘safe-familiarity’.

Continuing with the oriental ‘business philosophy-concept’ metaphor… Moving forward, into a new season… the particular company, or organisation’s own related ‘movers-and-shakers’ (board-of-directors, CEO’s, governors, trustees, senior management, etc…), are ‘not allowed’ to simply revert back, or even refer, to, already established systems and protocols/strategies; – ALL strategies, structures, content, and approaches, etc. must be strictly based on, and inspired (only) by the original company, vision, philosophy…heartbeat! – The ‘PointZero’ experience duration can be days, weeks, months even years; rediscovering and confirming the company/collective (or ‘individual’s) ‘identity’ if you will.

……….

A lot has happened for all of us, I’m sure, over these past 3 years or so (don’t worry, I won’t torture you with an extremely detailed account – that really would make for an encyclopedic blog!) What I will say is that my ‘writing’ has certainly continued and flourished, if in unexpected expression in some cases! – For example, … In addition to my ‘usual’ poetry/prose/biography writing, I also accepted a part-time job opportunity to become ‘Lecturer in Performing-arts’ & module Performing-arts ‘Course Leader’ at a college just outside London back in 2016/17; which resulted (amongst many other things) in me being commissioned, over these subsequent past 3+ years, to write/re-write three different professional performing-arts education curricula ranging from A-level to BA/MA level, as well as writing and delivering an increasing number of ‘lectures’ based on ‘the human condition’, motivation, Life-skills, creative-development, and the Performing-arts. – Oh; and we have also just set up our own Performing-arts School > “CORE Theatre-arts Lab” !

………………

All of this has generally been an inspired challenge! – But, perhaps the biggest challenge has been that during the past three years (and before that); I have suffered a number ‘seizures’ – the nature of the seizures over these past 3 years being particularly impacting, and resulting in me… – fracturing my skull (twice), fracturing my eye-socket (twice), breaking my nose (twice), and re-breaking/fracturing 3 ribs! – this has been frustrating, quite upsetting and hugely inconvenient!    To be honest; the physical pain disappears quite quickly with me – I don’t really have any issue with that; however, the emotional fragility, fatigue, and tenderness that so often accompanies it; can sometimes strongly and negatively impact creative-writing, creativity in any form, and, of course, physical presentation (performances, etc.) – It can also explosively enhance it too!!! – (a lot of this is simply down to perspective and identity – being secure in our vocational ‘calling!). 

So, 3 years on; I, very much continue to remain ‘wired, fired and inspired!’ (perhaps more so than ever!).  I have a number of ‘new’ projects ‘on-the-boil’ (including one I’ve been loosely working on for the past 4 years!); as well as me cultivating ‘open-time’ and spontaneous ‘creative-space’ (as always!).  

………………………

The start of ‘2020’ – a brand new season and a season of potential “2020-Vision!”, provides me with the opportunity to reflect a little, not just on ‘2019’, but also these past 3 point-zero’ years too! – I do so with rich thanksgiving, inspiration, confusion, incredulity, and humble ‘awe’ – Wow!  

………………………….

I write, because ‘the small-volcano’ wells up deep inside of me and compels me to; – I have to write/create in (‘out of’), that moment! – I write based on ‘the human condition’ – whatever touches my heart… I recently ‘randomly’ met a young woman, whilst at a conference in the States; she was pleasant, kind and friendly, but I could also see that she was extremely fragile and broken to her core.  We spoke together, only very briefly yet beyond-the-surface into some aspect of honest depth; the implications of this short encounter gnawed away at my heart for hours and just wouldn’t go away. Later that evening I wrote a poem/prose piece for her entitled ‘Sovereign Hope’… – It’s still only a rough-mix, a ‘work-in-progress’ at this time, but it’s rumbling!…

After this 3+ year ‘hiatus’/’reflective exile’ – I, now, excitedly begin this New Season with… “Sovereign Hope” – Below is the poem and soundscape, the first of the new season; – (Enjoy!).   

 ……………………………..

‘Sovereign Hope

So, what am I suppose to do now – with all of this?

I’ve thought it through over (and over again) … Is there something that I missed?

My caution and slight defensiveness is not something that I’ve planned-

I’m just feeling a little fragile right now -perhaps you understand(?)

I just want to bask in HIS presence – ‘deeper… Deeper than (ever) before…

I’m holding-it-together; – ‘walking-it-through’ – But inside, I’m pretty raw

I’ve designed my (very) own ‘default state’ – to make sense of where I am

But I didn’t see this (one) coming, – so, I have no ‘back-up’ plan

I share some responsibility-I do! – And I’m trying to forgive…

And although I’ve tried, – I know something’s died – But I still want to ‘live’

The CROSS-road beckons me to ‘come’ – The ‘threshold’ calls my name –

The horizon, so wide and open… ‘restricted by my pain

But I know (that) I can trust in ‘Truth’ himself -And I know that ‘Truth’ knows me! –

I know that I can trust in TRUTH – and that ‘TRUTH’ will set me free!

So, I’m not here to ‘just- survive; (And) -I’m not here just to ‘cope’ –

I’m here for ‘Life-in-Abundance’ –

… To Live in ‘Sovereign Hope!’

                                            ……………..…………….

Poem Audio: (Vocal/Soundscape)

© Danny Scott: – September 2019 – (Pensacola; Florida).

 _____________________________________________________________________

www.pointzerophysicaltheatre.co.uk   / core-arts.uk

“The Card She Never Gave”

stockvault-morning-pier134386So, apparently…“the road to Hell is paved with ‘good intentions…”  The sentiment here is pretty clear and maybe we agree with it, maybe we don’t; or maybe we just don’t care or bother to consider it at all either way.

The term ‘intentions’ or ‘intentional’ certainly is a pretty loaded vocabulary phrase.  – But, surely it’s better to weigh into Life and/or its related chapters and pages, with at least some solid and stated good ‘intention’, even if we apparently ‘fail’ to fully deliver it, or if the reality and manifestation of that intention doesn’t come to bear. – Surely it’s better to at least possess that initial intent in the first place rather than to somewhat meekly start with no deliberate established focal point; Or to saunter along with nothing at all. Isn’t it? – Isn’t it??  Hmm… maybe; maybe not!

“…It’s better to have loved and lost than (to have) never loved at all…”Isn’t it? – Isn’t it?? Hmm…

The start of a New Year is perhaps an excellent (and obvious) time to give a deliberate nod (however large or small!) toward ‘Intent’. Starting a brand new year not so much with ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ (hmm??) but most definitely with New Year’s Intentions!!! Semantics?… yeah, maybe… but I don’t think so.
But anyway, it’s certainly not mere semantics when it comes to being on the other end of ‘failed’ intent – being the recipient of good, but none-the-less, still unfulfilled ‘intentions’. No, that’s an entirely different story!

I remember many, years ago, someone confiding in me that they had personally written me a card and that they wanted to give it to me. The story was that we had been working on a (various) project/s. It had been fantastic, exciting, a lot of fun, humorous, highly professional and vitality, which in turn resulted in extremely high quality work and final presentation; however, as is most usually the case; – it had also, at times, been, challenging, bruising, highly pressured and of course, very intense.

During these darker moments, they had lost almost all confidence, the insecurities were raging and their self-esteem and professional presentation were going through the floor. I was privileged and able to play a part in turning this around for them and for all of us concerned, and involved.  The person concerned didn’t really say much, if anything, at the time; then quite some time later they simply (and very expectantly), said… “I have something fr you – I have a card, I’ve written for you” – the person said they’d give the card to me shortly… they never did…  – > ‘ffwd’ through the years >…

On countless occasions since, I have subsequently heard so many stories about when… (and there are so many reasons why),… a comment is not said, an apology not shared, a phone-call not made, a text not sent, a parcel not delivered or a card not given – ‘not sent…     –  Receiving or giving a card to someone obviously has ramifications of some kind, and sometimes these ramifications can be really quite impacting!  Not receiving or not giving the card can be equally impacting! – Sometimes even more-so!

It’s not necessarily simply about romance, or revenge; about justice or judgement, hurting or healing, ignorance or immaturity, pride or prejudice, teasing or tragedy; clarity or closure, defiance or death.  However…these most certainly do (invariably) play their own part…

This piece is dedicated to those, of either gender, who have (received) the ‘intention’; the hope, the pledge, the (prophetic) affirmation, – the promise of ‘the card’ – And… are still waiting… –  Perhaps walking through the ramifications… the intentions… and still waiting

…………..

“The Card She Never Gave”

Perhaps it speaks of gratitude, with words tender and kind
Of jokes and playful memories that somehow all unwind-
And tumble out in written word; with paper, pen and ink
Expressions of your heart displayed; what you feel and what you think

Maybe it talks of happiness, in carefully written line
Of joy and play, day after day, that somehow help define-
Precious moments and lessons learned, and the pathway that they pave
All waiting to be read within the card –she never gave.

It might share admiration, in verse, gushing and bold
Or maybe words more hesitant as if somehow controlled-
By deep reserve, or loss of nerve, for the abandon that we crave
All intimately written down, in the card – She never gave

It could contain a promise kept, a phrase of warmth and care
Of ‘want’ into the future, as if somehow to share-
The history and mystery – her personal tidal wave-
Explode through loving words, within the card – she never gave

It might confess what wasn’t true, in some of what she said
That in a need to protect herself; she chose to lie instead-
Of sharing what she ‘really’ felt; in precious words to save
Honest vulnerability, in the card – she never gave

And so he’s left in limbo as he walks toward his grave
With healing Love unopened; in the card – she never gave.

audio/mixed-media

……………….
© Danny Scott 2015 – (Remixed 2018)

“…But I’m trying not to think… (about you).”

………..

There are times on this journey we call ‘Life’ when we can find ourselves marinating in a curdling combination of relentless aching, anger, hurt, rejection, guilt, deep remorse… and a depression that genuinely teases open the door to possible suicide and teeters on the very edge of its’ threshold.

Times brought on by a past circumstance, situation, event, mistake, perhaps personal, significant loss (or indeed, if we are particularly stricken,- all of the above).

Typically, we push this marinate-of-experience to the very back of the fridge or cupboard in a fervent yet tenuous attempt to prevent it from totally dominating and consuming our days, months even years.
We have to! – Because otherwise the visceral curdling-of-emotions and torment-of-thought can soon become way too much for us to bear.

Generally, in a further attempt to hold ourselves together, to find some way not to completely dissolve and disintegrate into the, by now – perfectly-aged and suitably ready marinate; In a mix of desperation, defiance and determination; We consider one simple antidote, a pacifier, a counter-punch; a life-line that perhaps gives us a solid, tangible reason to step back from the threshold.

– What is it?

Simply not to think about the cause of the marinate! – ‘Taking the torturous thought captive and determining not to think about it any longer.
– Unfortunately this is of course, notoriously, more easily said than done, as the marinate so often proves to be a law unto itself, and as such, has a nasty habit of seeping through and flavouring everything in its wake. And so we appear to have no choice other than to continue to fervently keep – ‘Trying not to think…’  –  This poem reflects this scenario; – this sentiment…

…………………

“…But I’m trying not to think…(about you)”.

I’ll think of how the early dawn whispers a New Day
Sets the tune and calls that day to dance
Of shaking off that wounded sleep and breathing in new life
And think of how I took or missed my chance

I’ll think of how a single moment held in time a space
Can give birth to a thousand different things
Of new found love and hope and play ‘the promise of much more
The sorrow and the joy that promise brings

I’ll think of how all seasons, like all roads, come to an end;
Of how each one of us here plays our part
I’ll think how precious memories have helped shape who I am
Of lingering fingerprint left on my heart;
I’ll think of how fresh fallen snow disguises what’s beneath-
Imperfections hidden, buried deep
Of hurt once sealed, but now revealed, as the snow begins to melt
Of the secret pain and torment that I keep

I’ll think of how the stars at night, those ‘diamonds in the sky’
Burning brightly, glisten, glow and gleam
(And) when the night dissolves to dawn and then the dawn rolls into day-
‘Think how those same bright stars in ‘daylight’ are unseen;
I’ll think of a million different things, in a million different ways
What was before, is now, and is to come
Of past achievements satisfied, of those right here and now;
And others that I haven’t yet begun

I’ll think of what is precious – ‘frees my mind; ‘touches and soothes my soul;
I’ll think of what is false and what is true
I’m trying to think of things that really mean so much to me –

But I’m I trying not to think about… you.

……………….

Audio/Vocal  <(click)

(C) Danny Scott 2014.

“Exiled” – (Five Words…)

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you are continually shut-down and pushed away, ignored and cut-off and there’s just nothing more you can do; nothing!  – Except to honour those five words as they are thrown back in your face and accept your new found home in ‘exile’ – perhaps temporarily? perhaps permanently? – Certainly for however long it takes…

Numb Photo (HD - 'Exiled' poem for Blog) Snapshot 1 (07-11-2014 15-22) (2)

“Exiled”- (Five Words…).

The apologies and sincere attempts to resolve – have simply failed –
Instead, Rejection, Blocking, Silence; – ‘Refusing to talk’ has now prevailed
We share the shame ‘I’ take the blame – and so the seed is sown…
Five Words – ‘Cast me to Exile…

…”Please – Just – Leave – Me – Alone!”

…………

(c) Danny Scott 2014.

“Exiled” – Audio/Visual.

I Don’t Pretend…

I Don’t Pretend…

~

I don’t pretend to understand the depth of mystery of the human heart & mind;
Nor comprehend the apparent random seasons of adversity and joy

I don’t pretend to have even the most tenuous grasp on what it means to be fully gracious and forgiving;
– To effortlessly own a selfless humility forged in the glowing furnace embers of constant refining and purification

I don’t pretend to have completely tamed the beast of fierce rage and indignation deliberately aimed at an undeniably unjust World

Nor to have obtained equilibrium on the proverbial tightrope of righteous anger on one side –
– And the haemorrhaging of my own personal self-pity on the other

I don’t pretend to stand blameless as I swim against the tide of ignorant, prejudiced opinion
– Toward a shore and a destination that prophetically bears my name

I don’t pretend to have exorcized all the demons of a torn and troubled youth

Or to have made peace with a so-called “Care Profession” that so desperately failed my birth-mother and so, so many others since – discarding them and dancing with indignity upon their memory

I don’t pretend to want an ‘easy, join-the-dots Life’ where my future is mapped out before me-
In a simple, grotesque ‘just add water’ mix formula within a land of false harmony-

Where there is no conflict or struggle – no wrestling to grow into the fullness of who my Papa-God has called me to be

I don’t pretend to worry about tomorrow – Because I don’t worry about tomorrow!

I don’t pretend to doubt that I am deeply loved by my God – Because I don’t doubt that I am deeply loved by my God!

I don’t pretend that need other people to tell me who I am – Because I don’t need…!

I don’t pretend that I hear that still, small voice every minute of every day – And I don’t pretend that I can walk on water – Because right now, at this present time – I can’t

But that doesn’t mean that I need to give up trying (and learning) – And I won’t!

I don’t pretend – Because I don’t need to pretend.

______________

 Music & Vocal (Audio) Track: > ‘I Don’t Pretend’

© Danny Scott

………..